Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That was before I lit my hair on fire
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
