I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
