been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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