STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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