hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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