theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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