I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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