oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All the doctor said was why
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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