a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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