sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He passed out mid-signature
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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