My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
