Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm passing your future prison.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
