My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
