um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
