Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
