Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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