Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
