Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
