i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
