It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Moan for me like Helen Keller
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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