I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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