Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
