If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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