I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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