girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
