well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
