It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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