I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
