his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
