Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it because I queefed?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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