How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
