And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
