It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
