Soap is not a condiment
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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