i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize