Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
