I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
