I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
