Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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