i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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