babies were throwing up all over the place
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
