I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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