I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
