i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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