I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
