Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
