you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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