He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
