i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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