you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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