i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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