Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
