Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
