nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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