Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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