Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
