Acid is not a monday night drug
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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