Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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