I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
