Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
