I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
People in love make me want to vomit
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
