Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
