You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just high enough for therapy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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