If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Terrible idea I love it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love you.
Bad choice
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