ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
