dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
