Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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