The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
