I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
