I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
