Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I smell stomach acid.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
