time to smoke my breakfast
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
