dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
