Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
