Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize