forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
