well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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